Seems FUMBLING is a thing in Friendship.

What quality do you value most in a friend?

In young growing days, say in highschool and primary school, my quality of a friend was that you are really loud in being my friend. Like, everyone in school, in class, should know you are my friend.

Growing up, to university, I just wanted loyalty and secrecy ,that my secrets are safe with you, that my struggles of self acceptance are secure with you. That because my friend is aware of my insecurities, they should not allow it to slip to others and just guard my vulnerability.. I think that is a bit heavy, it is like I am recruiting for the head of the Insecurity-Security Department 😂😂

However, as I was beginning to understand myself and know myself, I realized I lost good friendships along the way, because of my insecurities. Something happened in my childhood that shaped my connection to people. I loved being near people who didn’t value me, because I am sure they don’t and it’s better that way. In my high school days I wanted to be friends with the popular kids, the famous ones, Not the bullies though 😔.

It took me years to realize all these teenagers I consider friends were actually not my friends, I stayed despite them body shaming me, diminishing me, attacking my confidence. And at that time, I didn’t know, I was just depriving myself of a true genuine connection. And there were also my “secret” friends whom it was just a private friendship ; who really cared for me. Encouraging me, wipe my tears..ooh Lord why did I fumble that relationship die like that.

Okay, enough.. I just wanted to establish that.. (clearly there is a lot of unpacking).

P.S I am drafting a blog about my journey with friendship and how my childhood affected that. Soon! So stick around for that.

The quality, currently, I value most in friendship is authenticity and accountability. That you are able to be yourself and you have created a warm safe space for me to also be myself. We are ourselves in this chosen union : and you being yourself boosts me being myself. If you are authentic and love yourself, you are able to have boundaries and respect mine, respect each other as individuals and just hug each other through our insecurities.

Accountability, in calling me out on my s*** . Which I would consider because it comes from a place of love. You get it, don’t you?

There are many qualities but let’s stick to that for now.